How to Handle Difficult Clients and Colleagues Without Avoiding the Conversation (or Escalating It)
Learn calm, practical scripts to handle difficult clients and colleagues without avoiding the conversation or escalating conflict, so you can protect your work and energy.
You know those people at work who drain your energy before you even join the meeting?
The client who sends long, angry emails.
The colleague who dismisses your ideas.
The manager who reacts defensively to any feedback.
Most professionals deal with difficult people by doing one of two things:
Avoiding the conversation (hoping it gets better on its own), or
Escalating it (venting, snapping, or firing off a sharp email that makes things worse).
There’s a third option: learning how to handle difficult clients and colleagues in a way that protects the relationship and your boundaries—without pretending everything is fine and without turning it into a fight.
In this post, you’ll learn a simple, practical approach you can use in real conversations at work, even if you don’t consider yourself naturally assertive.
Step 1: Get Clear on What’s Actually Difficult
“Difficult” can mean different things:
They’re demanding or constantly urgent
They’re critical or dismissive
They’re passive-aggressive or unclear
They ignore boundaries (time, scope, process)
They blame instead of taking responsibility
Before you respond, take 30 seconds to ask yourself:
> “What exactly is making this interaction difficult for me?”
Is it their tone? The volume of requests? The way they talk over you?
Naming it clearly helps you respond to the real issue, instead of reacting to a vague sense of frustration.
You might even write it down briefly:
“They email me late at night and expect a response.”
“They criticize my work in front of others.”
“They don’t give clear direction, but then they’re unhappy with the result.”
This clarity will guide how you respond.
Step 2: Decide Your Goal Before You Speak
Most conversations go sideways because we don’t know our goal going in.
When you think about your next interaction with this client or colleague, what do you actually want?
Common goals might be:
To reset expectations
To set or reinforce a boundary
To clear up a misunderstanding
To improve how you work together
To calm things down so you can move forward
Pick one main goal for the conversation. For example:
“My goal is to agree on realistic timelines.”
“My goal is to ask them to give feedback privately, not in front of the whole team.”
“My goal is to understand what they really need, instead of guessing.”
When you know your goal, it’s easier to stay calm and not get pulled into side arguments.
Step 3: Use a Simple Conversation Structure
You don’t need the perfect words. You need a simple structure you can lean on.
Here’s a three-part structure you can use with most difficult clients and colleagues:
Name what you’re noticing (without blaming).
Share the impact.
Propose a constructive next step.
Let’s look at how this sounds in practice.
Example 1: The Constantly Urgent Client
> “I’ve noticed that many of the requests lately are coming through as urgent and last-minute.
> When that happens, it’s tough to give you our best work and it often means other deadlines are impacted.
> Going forward, could we agree on a standard turnaround time, and flag only true emergencies as urgent?”
Example 2: The Colleague Who Criticizes Publicly
> “In our last few team meetings, I’ve noticed that feedback on my work has come up in front of the whole group.
> When that happens, it’s harder for me to process the feedback clearly and it can feel discouraging.
> Would you be open to sharing that kind of detailed feedback with me 1:1 instead, and we can share updates together once we’re aligned?”
Example 3: The Vague but Unhappy Stakeholder
> “I’ve noticed that a few times we’ve delivered work that didn’t match what you were expecting.
> I can see that’s frustrating for you, and it means we’re spending extra time revising.
> Could we take 10 minutes up front to define success more clearly before we start the next piece, so we’re aligned from the beginning?”
You’re not attacking the person. You’re describing a pattern, impact, and solution.
Step 4: Use Boundaries That Sound Calm, Not Confrontational
Healthy boundaries are not rude. They’re simply clear limits that protect your time, energy, and quality of work.
Here are some boundary phrases you can adapt.
When People Expect Instant Responses
> “To make sure I can focus fully on your work, I usually respond within X hours on weekdays.
> If something is truly urgent, can you please call / mark it as high priority, and I’ll address it as soon as I can?”
When Meetings or Calls Run Over Time
> “We’re coming up on the end of the time we scheduled.
> I have a hard stop at [time], so let’s decide the next step before we wrap, and we can book a follow-up if needed.”
When Someone Dumps Work on You Last Minute
> “I can definitely help with this. To fit it in, I’ll need to move [X] or adjust the deadline for [Y].
> Which is more important for you?”
When Their Tone Crosses a Line
> “I want us to be able to work through this, and I’m finding the current tone makes that difficult.
> Can we take a quick pause and then come back to the conversation so we can focus on solutions?”
Notice that each of these:
States your limit clearly
Offers a path forward
Avoids blaming language like “you always” or “you never”
Step 5: Prepare for Common Difficult Reactions
Even with the best phrasing, some people won’t respond smoothly.
Here are three common reactions and ways you can stay grounded.
1. They Get Defensive
They might say things like:
> “I’m just trying to get the work done.”
> “You’re overreacting.”
> “This is how we’ve always done it.”
You can respond with:
> “I get that you’re trying to keep things moving, and I appreciate that.
> At the same time, the current approach is creating [specific impact]. I’d really like us to find a way that works for both of us.”
Acknowledge their intent, then return to the impact and your goal.
2. They Minimize the Issue
> “It’s not a big deal.”
> “You’re taking this too personally.”
You might say:
> “It may not feel like a big deal from your side, and I hear that.
> From my side, it’s having a real impact on [your work / the team / the project], which is why I’m raising it now so we can improve things.”
You’re calmly holding your ground.
3. They Avoid the Conversation
> “I don’t have time for this.”
> “Let’s talk about it later.” (But “later” never comes.)
You can respond with:
> “I know you’re busy, and I don’t want to take more time than needed.
> This is affecting [project / results / timeline], so it’s important we address it. Could we book 15 minutes on [day/time] to go through it quickly?”
If they still avoid it, you may need to document the issue and involve a manager or HR, but you will have made a clear, professional attempt first.
Step 6: Choose Your Medium Intentionally (Email vs. Live Conversation)
Not every difficult situation needs a meeting. But not every issue should be handled over email either.
A simple guideline:
Use email when you need a written record, clear expectations, or you’re confirming decisions.
Use a live conversation (in-person or video) when there’s emotion, tone, or potential for misunderstanding.
If you must start by email, you can keep it simple:
> “I’d like to talk briefly about how we’re working together on [project].
> Are you available for a quick [15]-minute call this week? I think a short conversation would help us align and move forward more smoothly.”
Then you can use the structure we covered earlier during the call.
Step 7: Protect Your Energy Before and After the Conversation
Difficult conversations are draining—even when they go well.
Before the conversation:
Write down your main goal in one sentence.
Note 2–3 key points you want to cover.
Plan your opening line, so you’re not scrambling.
For example:
> “I wanted to connect about how we’re handling last-minute requests and see if we can find a way that works better for both of us.”
After the conversation:
Take two minutes and ask yourself:
What went well?
What would I say differently next time?
Make a quick note, so you’re learning and building your skills over time.
When It’s Time to Escalate (and How to Do It Professionally)
Sometimes, despite your best efforts, the behaviour doesn’t change.
It may be time to escalate when:
The person is bullying, harassing, or discriminating
Your well-being or safety feels at risk
The behaviour repeatedly undermines projects or the team
You’ve clearly raised the issue and nothing changes
If you do escalate:
Document specific examples (dates, what was said/done, impact).
Share the facts, not just your feelings, with your manager or HR.
If comfortable, explain that you’ve tried to address it directly and how.
Escalation should be a last resort, not your first move—but it is sometimes necessary and appropriate.
You Don’t Need to “Win” the Conversation to Handle It Well
Handling difficult clients and colleagues isn’t about having the perfect comeback or forcing someone to change.
It’s about:
Staying clear on your goals
Communicating the impact of their behaviour
Setting boundaries that are calm and professional
Protecting your energy and your work
You can’t control how other people show up. You can control how you respond and how you protect your time, attention, and confidence at work.
Want Help Practising These Conversations?
If you’d like support preparing for a specific difficult client or colleague in your world, I’d be happy to talk it through with you.
I offer a free, no-pressure call where we’ll walk through your situation, map out what you want to say, and practise a few phrases you can use right away.
If that feels helpful, you can schedule a free call with me here and we’ll get you ready for your next conversation instead of dreading it.